This article was prepared based on your, men, letters to our women. We decided to show you which are the most common questions you ask the ladies, we decided to tell you what questions are absolutely inappropriate to ask and what questions the ladies answer with please. Learn on other’s mistakes and avoid repeating them, some of these inappropriate questions turned women off and man left questioning himself: “what the heck happened, why his woman doesn’t respond”.
What the most guys want to know about their on-line brides?
1) With how many men are you in correspondence with?
When people, after few frustrating tries to be happy in love relationships
make a decision to start searches in the Internet, it means that they don’t want to have same negative experiences any more. Of course, they want to secure themselves, so as it’s very difficult to make a right choice just according to the guy’s or girl’s profile, unless you naturally have a great intuition. So, this becomes a good reason why men and women are in correspondence with several partners. This is a common and good start for the “second - half” searches in the Internet. When you start being in correspondence with, for example, several ladies that you’ve chosen and you think they suit you most of all, than after a couple of letters you get a better imagination of their personality and, again you do selection for yourself. The same thing happens to the ladies. They also can be in correspondence with several guys and they also have a right to choose, though they are more sensible and can make their decision to continue being in correspondence with some guy even after the first letter. It means that anyhow ladies have a less number of on-line partners than men. That’s why it is so important to ask the girl right questions and try not to offend her. And its worth mentioning, that since women originally are monogamous, after starting their husband search from being in correspondence with the several guys, they prefer to choose a right one and tend to continue their correspondence with only one man in order to get to know him as good as possible.
See our article on Talking to one woman or several
2) Do you agree to marry me? (this question is inappropriate at the early stage of correspondence).
Asking this question at the early stage of your virtual relationship is not really appropriate. When you both make first attempts to become closer with each other through the correspondence, you try to understand one another better, you try to imagine how you usually try to live your day and other more serious topics. Many people cannot answer this question even after being in correspondence for several months. It is rarely happen that things may go that smooth that girls could make their decision regarding marriage right after starting correspondence. Of course, she must know which guy from the whole bunch she is attracted to most of all. However, the guys that already have their Russian wives and those who have an experience in being in correspondence with Russian ladies say and strongly recommend the others to come to the girlfriend’s country after 3 months of correspondence. Otherwise, it will make difficult to continue already established positive relationship and keep them warm and friendly for a long time. Actually, guys can feel from the letters when the relationship is quite strong and enough serious and when the girl is ready to meet him and when they both are ready to go to the next stage in their relationship.
3) How good is your English language?
Most of the women in CIS do not know English. However, due to the demand of the modern time the percentage of women who know English language increases. A lot of international companies that appeared on CIS market during the recent years demand for English knowledge from their employees, when in the past decades, there was almost no need in knowing English for local people.
After few years of USSR collapse, the English language meant a higher salary and better work conditions for those who have learnt it. With time, when people started understanding what privilege this opportunity can give, they started studying English. In that time it was very popular to learn English, and everybody tried to study it, though not so many of them continued obtained good results.
Nevertheless, it is worth mentioning that now more people are concerned about their English skills, since now locals have more opportunities to have fellowship with the native speakers. But the problem is that many persons don’t have a chance to afford their English classes since comparatively this service can be quite expensive for the local people to afford. Many young girls start studying English language on their own. They usually use special self-teaching computer disks or buy specialized literature. But as a rule they stop doing it when start having more difficult tasks. Many of them know some English words, but can’t speak fluently and built sentences. And of course, without actually practicing the tongue, their language barrier is tremendous. Especially, if to take into consideration that they have no idea about the difference in English that is spoken by Russian-speaking people (Soviet English, if it can be called so), and native speakers.
4) Are your letters translated or do you read and write in English?
Some of the girls registered in “oksanalove” Dating agency know a little English, though they afraid to say even one word in English because of the high language barrier. That’s why their letters are translated, they cannot write letters on their own. Sometimes the girls try to write to their men in the agency just to see how good they are in expressing their thoughts. Gradually, step-by-step after having intensive English language course in the agency that is usually arranged for them by their on-line boyfriends, girls can write some short and simple messages to their fiancés or even try to speak with the beloved ones on phone without translator’s help. The guys are usually so happy to receive the messages written by their brides that it’s just lies beyond the words. :)
For the ladies that do know English on a basic or fluent level and try to write some letters in English themselves, they still ask our interpreters to check their grammar and correct it if there are mistakes.
5) What’s your religion?
The question regarding religion can be important for the ones who chose a Kazakh lady (oriental looking) girl. As you know we present Kazakhstan women, and Kazakhstan is a Central Asia region, even that 60% of population in Kazakhstan are Christians, we still have that 40% of Oriental looking ladies, so this question can be addressed to them. If we talk particularly about the religion issue in on-line dating agency, than people who come here to find their lifetime companions are certainly defined about their religion preferences. If the Muslim girls, who applied to the marriage agency, where the mainstream male clients are westerners, i.e. Christians or Catholics, etc. it means that the bigger part of them accepts this fact and ready to build up serious relationship with one of them. If we talk about the guys, any man also has a right of choice and he decides for himself what faith does his wife must have. But usually, the girls who come to the agency don’t mind to marry a person who has a different faith. The most important for them is to find a soul-mate and a “second half” for themselves.
6) What do you plan to do after moving to my country?
This kind of question could seem a bit odd to the ladies. Of course, all of the girls who came to the agency and found their lifetime partner think of doing something after arrival to their husbands’ country, but only a few of them know about the traditions, culture and lifestyle of their fiance’s homeland. It’s difficult to answer this question, because first of all the ladies are scared of the language barrier, they have a different mentality and they know about it. That’s why they may be afraid of making some plans and may have difficulties in saying what she exactly will be doing after moving to a different country.
In general, all women in any CIS country are not spoilt and are hard-working. They ready to be as much proactive as it is needed in order to make their family happy. This is because the life here is different. It is more difficult and complicated than the life in any of the western countries. Here, women have to earn money, raise kids, and run the house. She is lucky if her husband is not a hard-drinker, because than he can work and help her to make living, or if he’s not too much abusive towards her. She will never be happy to do nothing, because she got used to do something and work hard. She will just probably need a little time to adopt and adjust to a new culture, learn some language and feel enough comfortable and confident to start doing something. But the most important thing, that she will need - is the help of her husband, his kind advices and care. This will be a strongest motivation for her to begin doing what she thinks she wants to do.
7) Why did you decide to find a husband for yourself abroad?
If you want to know this sort of information, the best way to ask this question can be: “What influenced your decision to start searches outside of your country?”
There is a common belief among western population, that the Russian-speaking women who seek for foreign husbands do so just because they want to go abroad, which is absolutely wrong. The girls in the Russian-speaking countries are looking for happy family life everywhere. Since the life is quite difficult here, all of them have experienced hard times in this or that, and they don’t want the same things happen to their children and to their own family. They strive to protect their children from facing hard times and want some better life for them.
Besides, do you know that there are 10 women to 8, 7 guys in most CIS countries? Take off the list the ones who never will commit to a woman, the ones who are alcoholics, you are probably looking at 5,6 men to 10 women in this case. So, it is just not enough males in CIS courtiers to create families with.
8) Why you can’t find a good man for yourself in your country?
The answer on such question can be that in any country of the world there are some people who have some dislikes about the opposite sex in their native country, and feel like don’t want to spend their entire life being married to their compatriots. It may be so due to some negative experience or they feel like there is something that allures and interests them more in people of other mentality, culture, tradition or appearance. They feel like they want to have something different in their life that can be better, more exciting and bright, something that will allow them to live the full life. They know how much love, care and tenderness they can give to a beloved person, however, they also want to be rewarded for that. Most of the people who are trying to find their “second half” far away from their home country are assured that they won’t be happy in love with a person from their own country. Well, actually both, males and females who look for a lifetime partner in the internet does so, because he has some discomforts with looking for a partner in his own country and has doubts that a local spouse could make him happy.
9) If you come to my country would you like to work in your professional sphere?
This is a good question.
Most of the women in CIS are very intelligent and well-educated, though they remain to be just good wives and mothers at home and just have some low-paid job that just allows them to make their living somehow. They want to grow professionally and get to know many new things by doing something that they were studying to do. They would probably like to get a certificate on their professional activity in the country of her husband, but all this will take some time, before a girl can read and speak fluent language.
10) How safe is your country would be for me, if I decide to visit you?
Well, let me ask you first, how safe are some parts of LA, or New York? Do you know any country that is 100% safe and doesn’t have any crimes happening in it? That’s right there is no such place in the world.
Talking about most courtiers of CIS – these places are absolutely safe destination for tourists. These countries historically are a very hospitable and once you are here, you will love it. The only thing that can cause difficulties for a foreign man coming to this country – is that many people here don’t speak English language and it’s difficult to deal with them. The only concern for a foreigner about being here may be that it’s better to have someone who can met you at your arrival and who can help you to decide all the bureaucratic stuff regarding documents and your stay. But it’s better to ask to assist you with this some persons that you know and someone you can be in liaise with before your leaving, to make sure that everything will be ready to the date of your arrival. Actually, arranging the stay in CIS through the agency you are registered in is the safest and cheapest option. And if you try to manage to do all this on your own when you are here, it will cost you a lot of time, money and your nerves. It’s true that people love bribes here, and any instance you will address to on your own will try to charge you more than the original price is. It will happen after they figure out that you are a foreigner.
11) Do you believe in love from the first sight, or love in the internet?
Everybody who address to a dating agency probably believes that love happens even in the internet, no matter if it’s love from the first sight or love that will come later in serious correspondence. Many couples that already found one another are very happy and are really in love. Otherwise, they would not probably spend their time and so much affords for searches of a beloved one in a different part of the world and they would not refuse from being in serious relationship with the opposite sex in their home-country. The bottom line is that those who want to know the answer on this question have probably try to answer it, as if they were asked to answer this question, so than they could figure out what’s true and false.
12) Your relationship to kids? Would you like to have babies with me?
All the women who come to the agency to find a lifetime partner for themselves have a greatest desire to create a family and have babies. They all just have a common wish to give all the best for their children and they all want a bright future for their kids. The adult generations in CIS had to face difficult transition period of the country after the collapse of the USSR. Even though a lot of things have been changed since then, there are still many difficulties for people living here. And the younger generations that still remember that tough time and they still have to face its consequences now, do not really want their children to grow in the difficult conditions.
Women in CIS in general are very family oriented and were raised and taught to be considerate and understanding wives to their husbands, and loving and caring mothers to their children. In most part Russian women are making excellent mothers, for men who have children already and need a good mother and good example for them – Russian woman is the answer.
13) What’s your typical day?
The typical day of any Russian woman is quite intensive. It starts early in the morning and lasts till late night. She’s got to sort many things during her working day. And even on the week-ends she’s got to do house work.
Actually, local women do all the housing stuff on their own. After their working day they have to cook, clean their place and do shopping. All what they do is they try to comfort their family and do everything possible to make all of their relatives, parents, kids happy and keep them warm. A guy who came to Almaty to marry his on-line bride was surprised when he saw how many things his beloved woman has to sort during the day and at the same time she stays so well-groomed, elegant and beautiful. He even said that any American woman would die after one year of living in CIS.
14) What would your family say if you decide to move to a different country far away from them?
When girls decide to start their searches in the Internet, before it they probably agree on this with their parents and ask their advices and permission. When we talk about the Central Asian girls, we have to take into consideration that they have such a mentality of respect to their older relatives. It means that if they made a decision to go to the marriage agency, they must be sorted everything with their parents.
If we are talking about all CIS women in general, most of them will keep very close relationships with their parents, they probably will discuss the possibility of this type of search with them. Most parents agree with their baby decision as any parent wants to see their kids happy – no matter where the happiness awaits for them.
15) What have you never had in a relationship that you dream of?
Every woman dreams of being gently treated, respected and the most important thing is that every girl just wants to be understood by her man. Since males and females do percept things differently due to their way of logics distinction, both sexes see things not in the same way. Everybody knows about that, but still people tend to apply their world perception to the others and this may be the first reason of conflicts and misunderstanding appearance in relationships between men and women. However, females are the more patient, and even though they are more sensitive and emotional they always try and able to understand their men if they feel sincerity and openheartedness form the other side. The thing is that due to their inborn maternal instinct, woman always tries to help, to protect, understand, comfort and sacrifice for a person that is close to her. But at the same time woman wants her man to appreciate all her care for him and have some kind of reward for that. Woman always wants to have harmony in relationship and she always wants her man to be patient and understanding with her. Probably this is the thing that woman dreams of in relationship with her man.
16) Are you all about money or are you just seeking your way out of your country?
This kind of question is absolutely unacceptable to ask the girl about. First of all, even because of if you ask such kind of question, you will never get the answer on it. And secondly, you have poor chances to meet your special lady if you start your correspondence with such things. Because only a few of the girls will agree to continue a correspondence with a man who asks such kind of questions. It’s absolutely inappropriate to ask this question if you seek for a serious relationship. So, better change your attitude and try to think positively.
17) Why she doesn’t feel comfortable if I hold her hand or try to kiss her in a public place?
Some guys sometimes are wondered why their fiances are so tender and passionate when they are together just on their own and why they feel uncomfortable and embarrassed when the guys kiss and embrace them in public. Well, the guys have to bear in mind that the girls that have been raised in the eastern culture (especially the ones with the oriental background) have been taught not to show their feelings to the opposite sex when they are in some public place since it is considered to be as disrespect to the others and especially if there are some elder people are hanging around. The thing is that Asians have some sort of conservative mentality, though with time they are able to adjust to the culture of their fiance that is new for them and gradually they become more liberated.
18) Are you looking more for a career or family life?
The Kazakhstani women are strongly home and family oriented. So, the family is the biggest value for them in life, though they got used to combine their personal life with work and they coup well with everything. Probably it would be easier for her to socialize and make her life with her husband in a different country more interesting if she works and has some time to be on her own and have some personal interests.
19) What does Christmas mean to you?
The Christian population of CIS does not celebrate Christmas on December 25th, since according to the Orthodox calendar the Christmas is celebrated on January 7th. And most of the girls know about the tradition to celebrate Christmas on December 25th only from the movies. Anyway, all the girls here love the holidays, so, they will be happy to celebrate another bright, joyous and kind holiday in their own family.
20) What qualities you appreciate in men?
Any woman definitely wants to see a sincere, honest, faithful, caring and understanding man beside herself. The one who is a gentle lover, best friend and a good father for his kids. A person who can “try her boots on” sometimes, and who is able to protect her and be on her side in any situation. If she feels that her man has these qualities, she could reward him for everything he does for her and make him to be the happiest man in the world.
Article prepared by Saya Ma-ShanLo – the main manager of Oksanalove International dating agency Kazakhstan branch